Believe in People | 120 Seconds to Better Leadership

*Video Transcription*

I want to talk today about the context that we set for other people when we are trying to help them learn new skills. Because the way that we set the context for learning affects how people can or cannot learn.

A Real-World Example

I learned this, actually, the hard way.

I didn’t understand it at the time, but when I was growing up, I was a ballet dancer. And what I knew to be true for me was that if I was the best student in the class (or close to the top), and I knew the teacher liked me, I could perform really, really well in your average class.

And what I also learned was that if the teacher wasn’t a fan of me, or if I wasn’t one of the better dancers in the class, that negativity in my own head would get to me so bad that it would ruin my balance, it would ruin my stamina, I wasn’t as strong, I wasn’t as flexible, I couldn’t turn, I couldn’t coordinate. 

So, my dance was very unpredictable. I could be amazing or terrible, but it really did depend on who I was working with.

I had not had that experience in a long time, until this weekend when I went to a dressage riding clinic with my newer horse and the clinician was very tough. She was yelling at other students before they went into the ring, which I’m not used to. She did not like my horse at all, and I don’t think she cared much for my riding, either. 

Which is fine – except her negativity got to me in exactly the same way.

All of the basics that my horse and I had worked on, all of the connection that we had, all of the progress I felt I had made with my mare – it went out the window.

It went horribly. It’s the worst weekend of training I’ve had in 20 years.

But it did remind me how easily we can be influenced by other people’s thoughts and expectations and the energy that they put out there while we’re trying to learn.

At work, I do this every day. I’ve been doing it for 22 years. I’ve got a really thick skin. Dressage, not so much.

The Lesson for Leaders

It was a great reminder to me, though, because I’m often in a position (like you’re in a position) to be teaching other people. And we don’t know if they’ve got all the confidence in the world, or if the things that we’ll say or do might rattle them and bring out the worst in them.

And we can sometimes create an environment where people know we don’t believe in them, when we doubt them, when we yell at them, when we criticize them, when we undermine their confidence, when we make passive-aggressive comments – even if we don’t say anything and it’s just our attitude, it shows in your eyes, it shows on your face, it shows in your body language. And people do feel it.

It does create this powerful difference for many people – either I can do this or I can’t do this. And it’s the belief that that other person has that actually makes that true or not.

We tend to believe it’s our own self-fulfilling prophecy, but it’s often actually the beliefs of other people that we live up to or down to.

If I’m vulnerable to that at almost 50, your people probably are vulnerable to that, too. Maybe not in every setting, but in settings where they’re not super in their zone of genius, they will be vulnerable.

A Cheesy But Surprising Exercise

If you don’t believe this, or if this feels like it can’t be that powerful, just try this one experience. It’s super cheesy – I would never actually do it in a corporate retreat because I’d like to keep my job. But I swear it does work. 

If you just have a person put their arms straight out in front of them and have them repeat, “I’m weak and powerless” 10 times, and then you go to push down on their arms, their arms will be weak and powerless.

But if you then have them repeat, “I’m strong and powerful” 10 times, and then go to push down their arms, they will literally be physically stronger. You will feel it and they will feel it, and you’ll both kind of go, “Woah.”

Be Intentionally Positive About People

I don’t claim to understand everything about how the universe works, but I do know this: The beliefs that we have, the environment that we therefore create for others, and the vulnerability people experience in their learning process will all directly affect how their brains work, how their bodies work, how they process and synthesize information, and how they actualize that information.

If it’s not enough to do speak positively to people because you want to be a good person or a supportive person, do it because technically, scientifically, it does make a difference in how people process and learn and integrate information.

It does make a difference in how effectively they then become independent, which is our goal.

Be careful of that learning environment you’re creating for people, and see what a huge, huge difference it can make – especially if they respect your opinion.

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